On January 10 I went to the cemetery for two reasons. First, it was the five month anniversary of Mother's passing so I took and released five balloons, a ritual I do on the 10th of every month, adding a balloon each month. It is one of the ways I honor her spirit's freedom flight and symbolically acknowledge my continued efforts in letting her go. Some may not understand my need to do this each month until the first anniversary of her death on August 10, 2008, but it is not their understanding I seek. It is the trifecta between God, Mother and me. It is the enlightenment from God that I seek to understand.
And my second reason in going to the cemetery was to talk with Mother. After releasing the balloons, I returned to my car where I sat, with the window down, just visiting - having a rather light-hearted monologue more "to" Mother than "with" her. After a few minutes, I said to her, "Mom, it is nearing time for me to begin moving on and I need your help to do that."
As though on cue, nearby, the sound of chimes was as clear as though Mother was sitting in the car beside me. Now I have been going to the city cemetery off and on since 1968 when my Dad died. Offering no explanation to anyone, I have chosen to go there frequently since Mother died because I find it peaceful and comforting. At no time I had ever heard chimes, not in 1968 and certainly not in the past five months.
And my second reason in going to the cemetery was to talk with Mother. After releasing the balloons, I returned to my car where I sat, with the window down, just visiting - having a rather light-hearted monologue more "to" Mother than "with" her. After a few minutes, I said to her, "Mom, it is nearing time for me to begin moving on and I need your help to do that."
As though on cue, nearby, the sound of chimes was as clear as though Mother was sitting in the car beside me. Now I have been going to the city cemetery off and on since 1968 when my Dad died. Offering no explanation to anyone, I have chosen to go there frequently since Mother died because I find it peaceful and comforting. At no time I had ever heard chimes, not in 1968 and certainly not in the past five months.
With chimes continuing to call out and unable to find them, I returned to Mother's grave site and said to her, "You are really talking to me today." At this point, the sound of the chimes seemed to be even louder. I kept scanning, seeking the source. Finally, about 15 yards away, I saw the chimes hanging from a rather large crape myrtle, its bare branches tinged with a gray winter cloak partially hiding the source but not the sound.I thought this would be the end of another chime story but the saga was not yet over. As I continued to enjoy the exchange, I was aware messages were being sent to me but I could not clearly decipher anything. However, I felt within my heart Mother was letting me know she would be here to help me move on. Looking at the chimes again, I noticed the headstone partially hi
dden by small shrubs. Only the last name was visible from where I stood - JONES. At that moment, I laughed out loud and told Mother, "You are on a roll today." You see, "Jones" is her maiden name. In all my years of going to the cemetery and researching family history, I had never noticed that particular marker.
At this point, I truly felt Mother was with me. As I was leaving I called my niece in Houston to tell her about the experience. Her first question to me: "What is his first name?" I returned to where I had been, got out of the car, walked over to the marker - all the time talking to my niece on the phone. As I stood in absolute disbelief looking at the name, I told Tammy, "His name is John Jones. His wife's name is Esther." You see, "John Jones" is the name of my Mom's great-gredat-grandfather. "Esther" is her cousin's name.
Now, this Jones is not her great-great-grandfather. With all the interconnectedness, I believe Mother was letting me know she had finally been reunited with her father, who died when she was 13 months old. As for "cousin Esther," she and her family come annually to help clean one of two family cemeteries. So many times, my Mom, sister and I - along with Esther and many other relatives - cleared both cemeteries.
It was as though family reunions were taking place more in that environment than at a park or someone's house. Strangely enough, there is something spiritually comforting about clearing a site and knowing it holds what remains of your great-great-great-grandparents.
The other part of Mother's message - it is time to return to the genealogical search.
So when I asked Mother to help me get on with my life, through those chimes she let me know the direction I would take for now and, most importantly, she would be with me as I learned more about her family that is mine. She will be with me as I begin to move on, learning more of my history so I might once again reclaim my identity I lost along the AD journey with Mother.
So when I asked Mother to help me get on with my life, through those chimes she let me know the direction I would take for now and, most importantly, she would be with me as I learned more about her family that is mine. She will be with me as I begin to move on, learning more of my history so I might once again reclaim my identity I lost along the AD journey with Mother.
